How to Start Unmasking as an ADHD Person

For many ADHDers, masking feels like second nature. Masking may be hard to recognize because it’s so deeply ingrained that it’s happening on an unconscious level. It’s the practice of hiding traits, behaviors or ways of processing in order to fit in. Usually the intent for hiding is about seeking belonging and acceptance. At times, there is real stigma and misunderstanding around what supports ADHD folks actually need, so masking can become a strategy to navigate and survive those experiences. 

While masking can sometimes help a person navigate certain situations, it can also leave them feeling disconnected from who they are. This can feel challenging in many ways, even if it’s something ADHDers are used to.

Unmasking ADHD means exploring your authentic self in a world that may not fully understand neurodivergence. It’s about giving yourself the space to grow, connect, and live naturally. Here’s how to start that process in a way that honors your unique needs.

What Does Masking Mean?

Masking often begins as a way to adapt. You might have learned to stay quiet when you’re excited, keep your hands still when they want to move or avoid asking questions to avoid seeming “different.” 

Over time, masking can feel like a habit that protects you but hides parts of who you are.

Unmasking ADHD involves recognizing these behaviors and asking whether they serve you or hold you back. 

Healing in ways that truly work for you is not about rejecting all forms of masking. Sometimes, masking is a choice that feels right for you in specific situations. The key is finding a balance that feels free rather than restrictive.

Why Unmasking ADHD Matters

Unmasking for ADHDers is essentially about self-acceptance. 

Living authentically can reduce stress, help build stronger relationships and improve self esteem. Masking can take a lot of energy to perform, and often leads to exhaustion, anxiety, and a sense of not being enough. When you unmask, you allow yourself to be seen for who you truly are, strengths, gifts, edges, challenges and all. You also allow yourself to just “be” which is important for restoration, managing neurodivergent burnout and overall wellbeing.

This process is also part of affirming care, which embraces the idea that different types of brains are wired differently, and no one type is inherently deficient or wrong. By unmasking, it may be helpful to know that you’re contributing to a broader movement of acceptance and understanding for all neurodivergent people.

Steps to Begin Unmasking ADHD

1. Reflect on Your Masking Patterns

Start by noticing moments when you feel you’re holding back or adjusting to fit in. This could be during work meetings, social events, or even at home. Ask yourself:

• What am I doing to blend in or avoid attention?

• How does it feel when I mask?

• Are there times when masking feels necessary or helpful?

This reflection can help you identify where and why you mask, giving you a clearer picture of what unmasking might look or feel like. Sometimes it may not be so obvious because certain types of masking can be automatic and habitual; like a pattern of behavior that a person has been doing for so long it’s hard to remember when they started.

2. Embrace Neurodivergent Traits

One step toward unmasking ADHD is learning to see your traits through a positive lens. 

Hyperfocus, creative problem-solving, and out-of-the-box thinking are often strengths of ADHD minds. Instead of focusing solely on challenges, celebrate these unique abilities.

Using affirming language to reframe, like saying “I think differently” instead of “I struggle,” can shift your mindset. This can take a lot of practice, especially when many ADHDers have had far more than their fair share of negative feedback in life.

It’s not helpful to ignore or deny difficulties in interacting with non-neurodivergent people or the systems built for neuro-dominant people. It’s also important to practice recognizing that ADHD traits are not just challenges but instead can also be a set of gifts!

3. Share Your Journey with Trusted People

Unmasking can feel vulnerable, but sharing your experiences with safe, understanding people can help you to work toward unmasking more often. Surrounding yourself with people who understand can help with your own self-acceptance. 

Trusted friends, family, or therapists can provide support as you explore this process. You may try to tell them what unmasking means and how they can help you feel more comfortable being yourself. Sharing aloud with someone else about your innermost experience, process and needs can help you move toward more and more self-knowledge too. 

For example, you might say, “Sometimes, I fidget when thinking. It helps me focus, so I will try doing it more instead of stopping myself.” The right people will respect and encourage this step.

4. Set Boundaries to Preserve Your Energy

Unmasking ADHD doesn’t mean you must always be completely open with everyone. Choosing when and where you feel comfortable being your authentic self is okay. 

Setting boundaries can protect your energy and help you avoid situations where masking feels necessary. Sometimes this may mean being vocal and setting boundaries with people openly. Other times this may look like taking a step away from a person or situation that causes you stress or is non-supportive.

For boundary setting with yourself, you might decide that you’ll use tools like timers or noise-canceling headphones to stay on task at work. 

At the same time, you may choose to keep certain aspects of your ADHD experience private until you feel ready to share.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Unmasking is not an overnight transformation, it’s a practice and it can take time to learn how to do. It’s natural to have moments when you fall back into old habits or feel unsure about showing your true self. 

Be kind to yourself during these times. Remember, unmasking ADHD is about progress, not perfection. Self-compassion might look like taking breaks when you feel overwhelmed, speaking kindly to yourself when you make mistakes, or reminding yourself that growth is a process.It can also look like finding environments and people who accept you and the supports you need; and to spend more time there. 

How Unmasking Supports Community Change

Every person who unmasks adds to the visibility of neurodivergent experiences. Being open about being an ADHDer, your support needs and experiences helps challenge stereotypes and create a more inclusive society. 

This can encourage others to start their unmasking journeys, building a community of acceptance and understanding. Unmasking ADHD also sends a message that neurodivergent people don’t need to change who they are to be valued. By living authentically, you’re helping to shift cultural attitudes and foster environments where everyone can thrive.

While it may not be possible to fully unmask or talk openly in all contexts, understanding there are many other neurodivergent people out there who benefit from you being true to yourself and open about it too can be useful and motivating to know you’re not alone and you can make an impact.

Overcoming Barriers to Unmasking

Fear of Judgment

It’s normal to worry about how others might react when you unmask. In part, this is because many ADHDers have been told critical or judgmental things about themselves and have been misunderstood as deliberately breaking rules, not following along in a group or not meeting expectations, especially when not offered adequate supports. 

Fear of judgment can be a significant barrier to unmasking, especially in environments that don’t fully embrace neurodivergence. Starting with small steps and trusted people can make the process feel safer.

In addition, Rejection Sensitivity is one of the most common experiences ADHDers have in relationships so sometimes a person may not be judging but it can really feel that way. Rejection Sensitivity adds a layer of complexity to navigating the fear of judgment when it can feel exceptionally painful to imagine or experience misunderstanding. 

When those ADHDers who have Rejection Sensitivity are able to identify they tend to experience rejection even when there’s a simple disagreement or even a request that isn’t personal – this can help more insight and understanding as well as help ADHDers feel more comfortable being authentic in relationships too.

Internalized Ableism

We live in a world where people who have certain abilities have the most advantages because the systems we exist in are built for neuro-dominant, able bodied people. When existing in these systems, there are spoken and unspoken expectations that we are to process information and be a certain way in order to be accepted, succeed and survive. This means people who do not fit the dominant ways of being or identifying, can be at a disadvantage especially when the supports needed to navigate are not allowed or supported, or are even penalized for needing or using them.

Sometimes, it really is the external environment and other people who have discriminatory beliefs that makes things harder. Other times the hardest critic is your inner voice. Internalized ableism—the belief that neurodivergent traits are “less than”—can make unmasking challenging. This essentially means that we can come to believe the messages that certain aspects of our identity like neurotype, makes us less deserving than others. This biased belief may not be held consciously but instead unconsciously so we may not be fully aware of it, or the impacts of it.

Counter these thoughts or attitudes by focusing on self-affirming beliefs and surrounding yourself with supportive messages about neurodivergence, differing abilities and unlearning biases.

Lack of Support

Unmasking might feel isolating if you don’t have a strong support network. It’s normal to need models of success who share your identity, representation in positions of power and influence, as well as peers who really get you. Without these, all the messaging that comes from ableist, misinformed, stigmatized and generally biased ways of thinking about ADHDers can really get to you.

Joining online communities or local groups for neurodivergent individuals can provide encouragement and understanding as you navigate this process. This provides contexts where your neurotype, sensory and processing needs can make more sense, feel supported and actually fit in!

Moving Forward with Confidence

Unmasking ADHD is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. It’s about peeling back layers of learned behavior to reveal the authentic you. Along the way, you may find greater freedom, connection, and joy in living as your true self.The process takes time, and that’s okay. 

Whether you start by reflecting on your masking patterns or sharing your experiences with a close friend, each step brings you closer to embracing who you are. As you unmask, you contribute to a world where neurodivergence is celebrated and understood.